Just Another Awkward Story to Add to the Collection....

Hahahaha and also HAH.

I just had one of those really awkward and embarrassing moments today that awakened me (if by some strange means I had forgotten) to how nerdy and pathetic my life truly is.

Which is very nerdy AND pathetic.... Just to be clear.

Anyway, I was just out and about, innocently driving my car and acting like the totally normal person that I am when this whole ordeal took place... I can wholeheartedly assure you that I was neither disco dancing nor practicing the robot as I listened to my music alone, and I also wasn't trying to count the number of double chins I can make myself have (4!) in my rear view mirror. I am far too sophisticated and suave for shenanigans like that, so obviously, I was completely focused on my driving, not doing anything that could potentially embarrass me.

And that is why what happened next was completely uncalled for. As I pulled up to the stoplight, minding my own business (and definitely NOT flailing around a mad fool or pretending to be a robot with 4 chins), I casually glanced over to the car next to me...

And they were all staring. The whole lot of them. At ME.

And that is when I remembered that I am actually not suave OR sophisticated, and I was, as a matter of fact, acting like a robot..... a robot with 4 chins and a fervent passion for disco dancing. Is that so wrong?!? A girl should not have to worry about what she does in the privacy of her own car. I should be able to practice my Robot in peace, gosh darn it. But apparently the rest of the world doesn't see things that way.

Anyway, as soon as I noticed that my robot impression and mad dancing had an audience of about 6, I instantly stopped flailing and gripped my steering wheel and stared with all my might at the red light until it changed, trying to regain myself and pick up my shattered pieces of pride and dignity.

Sometimes I think I should really just stop walking into these embarrassing situations.... Unfortunately, my freakish nature is often too hard to control, and several minutes after the Red-Light Incident, I was back in my own little world, singing improvised show tunes to help pass the time...

It's moments like these that desperately make me wish I had tinted windows.

Sorry for Writing... I Couldn't Stop Myself

Hi.

I know I'm not supposed to be writing (because of my whole official leave of absence and all), but I've gotten tired of pretending to study and now need something else to do.

So here I am!

Anyway... Below I have listed 5 reasons why I should probably drop out of college.

1. I am sitting here blogging right now instead of working on my finals: the mark of someone who is destined to fail at just about EVERYTHING.

2. I have the attention span of a hamster.

3. Last time I checked, hamsters are not allowed to enroll in Universities.

4. Due to the fact that I am very talented and charming, I could probably make a generous living entering (and winning) beauty pageants instead of wasting my time getting an education.

5. I just had to fix the word "pageants" in number 4 with Spellcheck, because I didn't know how to spell it, an obvious sign that I am not intelligent enough for college.

----

Well, there you have it. In all honesty, I find it a bit unfair that my Professors expect so much from a human/hamster/LOSER hybrid like myself. I should be spending my time doing proper things like running in my exercise ball and eating sunflower seeds. It is very insensitive of them to ask otherwise.

I'm Taking a Vacation.

Well, finals are drawing near, and with this horrific fact in light, I have decided to take an official leave of absence from the blogging world. I am indeed fighting a losing battle in the Society of all Things School-Related, so with this in mind, I am casting off my duties for the next few weeks, as I have other very painful and dull matters to attend to.

I plan to be like one of those pregnant women who takes an official leave from her office job to rear her young, only instead of birthing a child, I will spend the next few weeks mercilessly flogging my brain with a spiked whip, as I attempt to force information into my already jammed cranium. It is a sad little life that I live, but I suppose somebody has to do it. Anyway, with that said and done, I would also like to offer an official apology for my truly abysmal blogging habits these last few weeks. Of course I would like to spend all of my time writing to my dearest friends on the internet, but unfortunately, I have had very important matters to attend to. What with being a gold medal Olympian, an astronaut, and an affectionate owner of 23,000 dogs, I have found myself a tad on the busy side.

What I mean to say is that I'm feeling like a vegetarian who has inadvertently wandered into a slaughter house: very OVERWHELMED (and also a bit nauseous). Now don't ask me why a respectable vegetarian would be traipsing around in the food-processing district, or why the factory doesn't seem to have any security guards on the job, but I think that this realistic comparison applies directly to my life.

For I am a little vegetarian surrounded by skinned cow carcasses....

Only in this situation, I am a vegetarian who also likes to eat meat, and there actually aren't skinned cow carcasses, because that would be gross.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I will be back and writing again as soon as my tormented last few weeks of school have concluded, but for now, I am afraid I must bid you all farewell. I am off to the darkened caves of hopelessness and despondency to attack my studies...

Goodbye, my friends. Stay strong.

Remember to eat your vegetables and shower on a daily basis.

I hope that none of you have unexpectedly died before my return.

Cheers,

Brianna.

A Very Cardboardy Thanksgiving.

Well, after a day of nagging and pestering, I have finally gotten my dad to hand over the cardboard box that his new TV set came in, thus providing me with hours and hours of entertainment! So many joyous possibilities await me with this newfound treasure... And let me tell you, my Thanksgiving this year has been AWESOME.

While the rest of my family sat out in the living room like fools today, huddled around our new big screen and watching football in a stupefied daze, I, on the other hand, was enjoying myself in my room, cutting cardboard like the fun-loving person that I am and having a blast! If I do say so myself (and I do), the only thing greater than a huge new TV, is the huge new CARDBOARD BOX that it comes in. It's beautiful really: nice and sleek, double-layered C-flute.... the stuff dreams are made of.

I have spent the majority of my day being exceptionally grateful for all things corrugated and made of board, and with the sheerly gargantuan size of this box, I should be set with all of my arts and crafts materials for just about the rest of my life.

Anyway, here is a lovely little cardboard collage that I made today that is now hanging on my wall. It is made entirely of cardboard, glue, and love.

So there you have it.

I can bet almost $10,000 that nobody else is putting their new TV boxes to such practical use. While billions of perfectly lovely boxes are being ousted to the curb, alone and dejected, the Ailie family's will hang proudly (in bits and pieces) on my wall forever.

I am feeling oh so resourceful today.

Celebrating the Holidays... with TV!

Well Seattle is currently buried under a solid 3 inches of SHEER JOY, and the Ailie family (particularly my father) has decided to celebrate the season by sneaking a brand new big screen television into the house! While most people are hiding out in their homes or making snowmen, my heroic father is braving the elements for the sake of a precious TV and a dream that he can watch football in HD come Thanksgiving. Never mind that the roads are solid ice, and cars are sliding around like a bunch of really subpar ice skaters who haven't yet learned how to stop without crashing; my father, brave but also kind of stupid, has eschewed safety with a firm hand, trudging his way to Best Buy to get his hands on a fresh, new TV set for the holidays. Forget family bonding or any antiquated notion of togetherness; we will be starting off our Thanksgiving with a heaping helping of HD TV!

My mom and I have been suspicious of my dad's sneaky intention for days now. You see, when my dad is planning on wasting money, he generally gets a guilty, squirmy sort of look about him, and it is only a matter of time before he sneaks something ridiculous into the house. He's done it before with other strange finds: an assortment of junky garage sale furniture, every record player in the city of Seattle, a collection of decorative lawn ducks, our pet birds... My dad has a compulsive addiction for buying things that no amount of therapy can ever hope to mend. Now don't get me wrong, he can go for a while without making any hasty investments, but sooner or later he will get that obsessive gleam in his eye, his instincts will kick in, and after a sneaky escape from the house under the pretense of "running errands," another superfluous item will be added to our overflowing collection. Yesterday in particular, the signs became evident, and my mother and I, already suspicious of my dad's behavior, began to fear the worst. My dad has been talking wistfully about a new television for a few weeks now, but yesterday, his need to take action became apparent. He spent the morning skulking around the house and staring with dissatisfaction at our dated TV screen, and by afternoon, he was looking for an excuse to take the car out alone.

Here is a word for word recount of a conversation my father and I had, shortly before his stealthy escape to Best Buy:

Dad: Well.... I'm going... out...

Me: Oh, where?

Dad: ..... just to um... run some.... errands..

Me: Oh, can I come?

Dad: NOOO!!!!!!! I mean... er.... no.

Me: Are you having an affair?

Dad: um. yes.

... and then he ran out the door, and that was the last I saw of him.

Several hours later, my dad came skulking back home with his tail in between his legs and a guilty (yet satisfied) look on his face. A few minutes later, I was ushered into the living room where I was confronted with an exuberantly happy father and a very LARGE addition to our household. It is massive and obscenely bulky and everything a man could ever dream of, and my dad is over the moon with contentment! I am actually sitting next to him right now; he is staring at the TV with a determined sort of gaze, reading manuals and connecting wires and occasionally furrowing his brow with the accompanying deep sigh....

Oh wait. I don't need to describe him; I'll just show you!! Here he is now -- all flustered and fiddling about with his 4 remote controls in a state of confusion... yeah, he's having the time of his life.

Lovely, isn't he?

Anyway, I am sure the TV will be assembled in no time, and my dad will spend the next three months or so sitting in front of his first love in a state of blissful serenity. But after a while, I can assure you the excitement will where off, the guilty look will rekindle in his eye, and I will wake up one morning to find a new vacuum cleaner or a few shelves of ceramic cats or maybe a life-size statue of Thomas Jefferson in the kitchen. The world will never know... But until that day comes, I suppose I am content with the really burly and MANLY television that my dad has chosen to bring home.

It is Thanksgiving after all, and what better way to celebrate than by zoning out your loved ones and shoveling turkey into your mouth in front of a big new TV?

... Homework... what?

Well, it's Sunday evening right now, and I really should be doing my homework at the moment, but greater things have captured my attention. I believe it's very important to keep my priorities straight after all, and let's face it: some things are just so much more important than school.

This Thursday for instance, I shirked my responsibilities to instead fashion myself a large cardboard horcrux costume to wear to the Harry Potter premier. I may have gone a little overboard with the size, so that I couldn't properly fit through doorways or sit down, and I may have looked like a fool after my basilisk fang broke off, but all in all it was a raging success! And then of course I couldn't do my homework on Friday, because once again my priorities kicked in, and I decided to instead spend the entire day catching up on my beauty sleep. I can think of at least 7 hibernating grizzly bears (off the top of my head) that would gladly back me up on the importance of this endeavor, so I really feel no remorse or guilt over the issue. And then on Saturday, I couldn't do anything school-related, of course, because I was busy recovering from my previous day of slumber by drinking absurd amounts of coffee and watching french films... you know, things that really should be placed before an education.

And now today has come, and I find myself sitting here once again, thinking vaguely of getting out my drawing assignment but really having much more pressing matters to attend to. And what are those greater issues, you want to know...? I will give you a hint. It may have something to do with the fact that on this grand and monumental day, Seattle enjoyed its first SNOW of the year.

YES. SNOW.

It may have been just a few flakes, and sure, it all melted before it actually hit the ground, but WHO CARES REALLY?!??? I am like an overly excited first grader with severe ADD when it comes to all things snow-related. I may as well get my snow suit and sled out now, because I am confident that Seattle will soon be buried under at least 16 feet of white fluffy mounds. So obviously I shouldn't be spending time on frivolous things like homework, when there are greater snow preparations that call! Snow dancing rituals and a human sacrifice to the gods of weather (to ensure the perfect snow conditions) are of course the first activity on my list. Next, I need to get a head start on training my dog-sledding team; Taffy has heart disease, so I'll need to strengthen her endurance if I expect her to head up the pack for our annual 26 mile sledding extravaganza. And then of course, I'll need to start planning out the blueprints of my igloo mansion and sharpening my arctic seal-hunting harpoon (just in case this flurry of snow also brings a wave of arctic seals from the North... seal hunting is my favorite winter hobby, you know). So as you can see, I have A LOT to do in preparation for the oncoming blizzard, and homework has really lost its value.

Speaking of which, I have gotten up from my chair to peer out the window at least 4 times since I started writing this blog post.

Also speaking of which, I have donned my dad's ceremonial Christmas sweater in celebration of the occasion. When I asked to borrow it, all he said was "sure, but don't wear it out of the house, because you'll look like a complete fool in that old man sweater."

I trust he was joking, because I've already worn it out of the house TWICE.

On that happy note, I think it is time to conclude this blog post, as I am far too giddy and excited to carry a complete thought any more. I just checked Google weather, and there is a 78% chance of humidity, so I am fully expecting a heaping helping of SNOW tonight!

My life is so bright and cheery.

Unless of course, it doesn't snow... in which case I might have to drown myself in a bathtub of my own tears. We'll hope it doesn't come to that.

I Would Rather Be Sleeping.

Well shoot.

I just realized I haven't written anything in 9 days, so now I'm feeling kind of guilty and wishing that my life was more exciting, so I would have more remarkable things to talk about. Unfortunately, this is not the case. I'm just lying here alone in bed on a Friday night with a really large stack of saltines and some rice pudding I found in the fridge, larding my life away into oblivion.... I should probably be out with the rest of the world right now like a normal 19 year old girl, but alas I really just enjoy lying around by myself like a hermit crab in my spare time and doing positively NOTHING. These are the simpler joys of life.

I even tried to go to bed early tonight, but unfortunately my guilty conscience would not let me sleep, and my mind was too plagued by the shame of not writing in over a week to actually rest. So anyway, I'm just lying in bed right now in a sense of utter defeat, very angry and also upset that I'm not sleeping but instead writing this stupid blog post, because otherwise I will be driven to insanity. So there.

Okay, well I've actually just been sitting here for a good 15 minutes or so, and I really can't think of anything at all to tell the world. In addition, I've just finished my saltines and now have nothing else to distract me from the fact that I'd rather be sleeping right now, so I'm getting very bitter and upset, and I really just want to throw my computer away or kill one of my pets birds or purposefully put something recyclable in the trash can to lessen my frustration.

Anyway... I think that this (angry and embittered) blog post should be enough to appease my guilt and make me feel better about not writing, so I am going to go sleep now. Curse my ridiculously overactive conscience. On the bright side, I will probably never turn out to be a serial killer or anything like that, because people who feel too guilty to sleep for not updating their blogs for 9 days usually don't go around killing people in their spare time. Just a reassuring thought for the world, in case you were ever suspicious.

okay, well GOOD NIGHT now my little friends........ I will write again when I'm in a better mood and don't feel like smashing my computer against the wall. Um. Yeah.