A Very Cardboardy Thanksgiving.

Well, after a day of nagging and pestering, I have finally gotten my dad to hand over the cardboard box that his new TV set came in, thus providing me with hours and hours of entertainment! So many joyous possibilities await me with this newfound treasure... And let me tell you, my Thanksgiving this year has been AWESOME.

While the rest of my family sat out in the living room like fools today, huddled around our new big screen and watching football in a stupefied daze, I, on the other hand, was enjoying myself in my room, cutting cardboard like the fun-loving person that I am and having a blast! If I do say so myself (and I do), the only thing greater than a huge new TV, is the huge new CARDBOARD BOX that it comes in. It's beautiful really: nice and sleek, double-layered C-flute.... the stuff dreams are made of.

I have spent the majority of my day being exceptionally grateful for all things corrugated and made of board, and with the sheerly gargantuan size of this box, I should be set with all of my arts and crafts materials for just about the rest of my life.

Anyway, here is a lovely little cardboard collage that I made today that is now hanging on my wall. It is made entirely of cardboard, glue, and love.

So there you have it.

I can bet almost $10,000 that nobody else is putting their new TV boxes to such practical use. While billions of perfectly lovely boxes are being ousted to the curb, alone and dejected, the Ailie family's will hang proudly (in bits and pieces) on my wall forever.

I am feeling oh so resourceful today.

Celebrating the Holidays... with TV!

Well Seattle is currently buried under a solid 3 inches of SHEER JOY, and the Ailie family (particularly my father) has decided to celebrate the season by sneaking a brand new big screen television into the house! While most people are hiding out in their homes or making snowmen, my heroic father is braving the elements for the sake of a precious TV and a dream that he can watch football in HD come Thanksgiving. Never mind that the roads are solid ice, and cars are sliding around like a bunch of really subpar ice skaters who haven't yet learned how to stop without crashing; my father, brave but also kind of stupid, has eschewed safety with a firm hand, trudging his way to Best Buy to get his hands on a fresh, new TV set for the holidays. Forget family bonding or any antiquated notion of togetherness; we will be starting off our Thanksgiving with a heaping helping of HD TV!

My mom and I have been suspicious of my dad's sneaky intention for days now. You see, when my dad is planning on wasting money, he generally gets a guilty, squirmy sort of look about him, and it is only a matter of time before he sneaks something ridiculous into the house. He's done it before with other strange finds: an assortment of junky garage sale furniture, every record player in the city of Seattle, a collection of decorative lawn ducks, our pet birds... My dad has a compulsive addiction for buying things that no amount of therapy can ever hope to mend. Now don't get me wrong, he can go for a while without making any hasty investments, but sooner or later he will get that obsessive gleam in his eye, his instincts will kick in, and after a sneaky escape from the house under the pretense of "running errands," another superfluous item will be added to our overflowing collection. Yesterday in particular, the signs became evident, and my mother and I, already suspicious of my dad's behavior, began to fear the worst. My dad has been talking wistfully about a new television for a few weeks now, but yesterday, his need to take action became apparent. He spent the morning skulking around the house and staring with dissatisfaction at our dated TV screen, and by afternoon, he was looking for an excuse to take the car out alone.

Here is a word for word recount of a conversation my father and I had, shortly before his stealthy escape to Best Buy:

Dad: Well.... I'm going... out...

Me: Oh, where?

Dad: ..... just to um... run some.... errands..

Me: Oh, can I come?

Dad: NOOO!!!!!!! I mean... er.... no.

Me: Are you having an affair?

Dad: um. yes.

... and then he ran out the door, and that was the last I saw of him.

Several hours later, my dad came skulking back home with his tail in between his legs and a guilty (yet satisfied) look on his face. A few minutes later, I was ushered into the living room where I was confronted with an exuberantly happy father and a very LARGE addition to our household. It is massive and obscenely bulky and everything a man could ever dream of, and my dad is over the moon with contentment! I am actually sitting next to him right now; he is staring at the TV with a determined sort of gaze, reading manuals and connecting wires and occasionally furrowing his brow with the accompanying deep sigh....

Oh wait. I don't need to describe him; I'll just show you!! Here he is now -- all flustered and fiddling about with his 4 remote controls in a state of confusion... yeah, he's having the time of his life.

Lovely, isn't he?

Anyway, I am sure the TV will be assembled in no time, and my dad will spend the next three months or so sitting in front of his first love in a state of blissful serenity. But after a while, I can assure you the excitement will where off, the guilty look will rekindle in his eye, and I will wake up one morning to find a new vacuum cleaner or a few shelves of ceramic cats or maybe a life-size statue of Thomas Jefferson in the kitchen. The world will never know... But until that day comes, I suppose I am content with the really burly and MANLY television that my dad has chosen to bring home.

It is Thanksgiving after all, and what better way to celebrate than by zoning out your loved ones and shoveling turkey into your mouth in front of a big new TV?

... Homework... what?

Well, it's Sunday evening right now, and I really should be doing my homework at the moment, but greater things have captured my attention. I believe it's very important to keep my priorities straight after all, and let's face it: some things are just so much more important than school.

This Thursday for instance, I shirked my responsibilities to instead fashion myself a large cardboard horcrux costume to wear to the Harry Potter premier. I may have gone a little overboard with the size, so that I couldn't properly fit through doorways or sit down, and I may have looked like a fool after my basilisk fang broke off, but all in all it was a raging success! And then of course I couldn't do my homework on Friday, because once again my priorities kicked in, and I decided to instead spend the entire day catching up on my beauty sleep. I can think of at least 7 hibernating grizzly bears (off the top of my head) that would gladly back me up on the importance of this endeavor, so I really feel no remorse or guilt over the issue. And then on Saturday, I couldn't do anything school-related, of course, because I was busy recovering from my previous day of slumber by drinking absurd amounts of coffee and watching french films... you know, things that really should be placed before an education.

And now today has come, and I find myself sitting here once again, thinking vaguely of getting out my drawing assignment but really having much more pressing matters to attend to. And what are those greater issues, you want to know...? I will give you a hint. It may have something to do with the fact that on this grand and monumental day, Seattle enjoyed its first SNOW of the year.

YES. SNOW.

It may have been just a few flakes, and sure, it all melted before it actually hit the ground, but WHO CARES REALLY?!??? I am like an overly excited first grader with severe ADD when it comes to all things snow-related. I may as well get my snow suit and sled out now, because I am confident that Seattle will soon be buried under at least 16 feet of white fluffy mounds. So obviously I shouldn't be spending time on frivolous things like homework, when there are greater snow preparations that call! Snow dancing rituals and a human sacrifice to the gods of weather (to ensure the perfect snow conditions) are of course the first activity on my list. Next, I need to get a head start on training my dog-sledding team; Taffy has heart disease, so I'll need to strengthen her endurance if I expect her to head up the pack for our annual 26 mile sledding extravaganza. And then of course, I'll need to start planning out the blueprints of my igloo mansion and sharpening my arctic seal-hunting harpoon (just in case this flurry of snow also brings a wave of arctic seals from the North... seal hunting is my favorite winter hobby, you know). So as you can see, I have A LOT to do in preparation for the oncoming blizzard, and homework has really lost its value.

Speaking of which, I have gotten up from my chair to peer out the window at least 4 times since I started writing this blog post.

Also speaking of which, I have donned my dad's ceremonial Christmas sweater in celebration of the occasion. When I asked to borrow it, all he said was "sure, but don't wear it out of the house, because you'll look like a complete fool in that old man sweater."

I trust he was joking, because I've already worn it out of the house TWICE.

On that happy note, I think it is time to conclude this blog post, as I am far too giddy and excited to carry a complete thought any more. I just checked Google weather, and there is a 78% chance of humidity, so I am fully expecting a heaping helping of SNOW tonight!

My life is so bright and cheery.

Unless of course, it doesn't snow... in which case I might have to drown myself in a bathtub of my own tears. We'll hope it doesn't come to that.

I Would Rather Be Sleeping.

Well shoot.

I just realized I haven't written anything in 9 days, so now I'm feeling kind of guilty and wishing that my life was more exciting, so I would have more remarkable things to talk about. Unfortunately, this is not the case. I'm just lying here alone in bed on a Friday night with a really large stack of saltines and some rice pudding I found in the fridge, larding my life away into oblivion.... I should probably be out with the rest of the world right now like a normal 19 year old girl, but alas I really just enjoy lying around by myself like a hermit crab in my spare time and doing positively NOTHING. These are the simpler joys of life.

I even tried to go to bed early tonight, but unfortunately my guilty conscience would not let me sleep, and my mind was too plagued by the shame of not writing in over a week to actually rest. So anyway, I'm just lying in bed right now in a sense of utter defeat, very angry and also upset that I'm not sleeping but instead writing this stupid blog post, because otherwise I will be driven to insanity. So there.

Okay, well I've actually just been sitting here for a good 15 minutes or so, and I really can't think of anything at all to tell the world. In addition, I've just finished my saltines and now have nothing else to distract me from the fact that I'd rather be sleeping right now, so I'm getting very bitter and upset, and I really just want to throw my computer away or kill one of my pets birds or purposefully put something recyclable in the trash can to lessen my frustration.

Anyway... I think that this (angry and embittered) blog post should be enough to appease my guilt and make me feel better about not writing, so I am going to go sleep now. Curse my ridiculously overactive conscience. On the bright side, I will probably never turn out to be a serial killer or anything like that, because people who feel too guilty to sleep for not updating their blogs for 9 days usually don't go around killing people in their spare time. Just a reassuring thought for the world, in case you were ever suspicious.

okay, well GOOD NIGHT now my little friends........ I will write again when I'm in a better mood and don't feel like smashing my computer against the wall. Um. Yeah.

More Wonderous Adventures.. from my Sickbed!

So I have had a great deal of free time over the past few days -- free time which I have spent wisely by entertaining myself from my sickbed with an array of internet surveys! I even pasted all of the surveys into a Word document, so today I can go back and look at all of my feverish and only partly-coherent answers from yesterday. Apparently, I took a 15 question quiz to find out whether I'm pregnant or not (I'm not) and a very tedious one directed to women with military spouses (I don't actually think most of the questions applied to me... the whole thing seemed a bit exclusive, to be honest). I also took one that was supposed to teach me Chinese in 3 minutes (yes, I am now 100% fluent!) and another one that told me what I smell like to Edward Cullen (which is apparently not so great). Anyway, below I have posted one that I took about my lacrosse team. Surprisingly enough, this was actually a very popular survey... I wasn't aware until now that there were so many die-hard lacrosse fans out there.....

Anyway, please enjoy! (Keep in mind that I was quite sick and dazed when I took this)

What's your team name?

Snow Panthers

What's your team's current record?

27-0

Are you an offender or a defender?

I like to play both actually. I offensively defend... like a champ.

What's your favorite position to play?

Usually the one that does the most running and stuff. Also the one that

gets to hit the most balls at people.

Do you like your coach?

He is very portly and has a bristled mustache. So yes, I would say so.

Why do you like lacrosse?

Lacrosse is my passion. My only other hobby besides lacrosse is bending

spoons with my mind, but I'm not very good at that.

How long have you been playing?

since the winter of '86

Who introduced you to lacrosse?

My friend Ron. We used to play together back when we were in the Navy

How many sticks do you have?

umm... I actually wasn't aware that lacrosse involved sticks.. but, uh,

yes... yes, I have sticks..

Do you own a lot of lacrosse clothing?

YES. IT'S ALL I WEAR ALL THE TIME.

How often do you find yourself paying?

Well that's actually kind of a difficult question.... I have about 14 hours

of lacrosse training a week, but then I also spend my weekends teaching

lacrosse to underprivileged street youth, and of course I head up the

National Lacrosse Fan Club for national fans of lacrosse, and sometimes

I play lacrosse by myself on my personal lacrosse field.

Is it your favorite sport?

Well DUHHH.

Do you find yourself adding a 'Y' to the end of all your teammates' names?

Um... not really.... I do sometimes add an 'X' though. I think it's catchy

Does your team have a chant?

YES. I can't really write it out though, because it can only be properly

expressed in song.

What's your favorite thing about lacrosse?

Winning. Obviously.

Do you have siblings who play?

I prefer to think of my team as my true siblings. We're connected by

something deeper than blood: our singular love of all things remotely

related to lacrosse!

What's your number?

I am always #1 and always have been all the time

Are you good at playing catch?

... does lacrosse involve catch?

How far can you throw?

About 8

What's the one thing you don't like about lacrosse?

I don't like it when my teammates are eaten by sea serpents

during the game.

Do you want to go professional?

No. I want to be a pet detective.

Are you going to be a lacrosse mom/dad?

Yes! My children will begin their training the moment they emerge from

the womb. I will raise them just the way my parents raised me: I will feed

them in exchange for 4 hours of lacrosse practice a day! They will love

lacrosse. They will love it, or they will die of malnutrition. The choice is

theirs.

Have you recruited any of your friends to your team?

I hope that EVERYONE who reads this will join my team!

Any other comments on lacrosse?

ohh, just that I LOOVE IT SO MUCH AND LACROSSE JUST

SO AWESOME

**********

And there you have it: my thoughts (in a sick and delirious daze) on

lacrosse. I hope everyone enjoyed this.

I think I am going to go sleep now.

Sick. That's all.

I have decided to take advantage of the fact that I am deathly ill and lying in a bed of heaping sickness and disease to write this friendly blog post! Yesterday, I was just beginning to show the signs of sickness: my throat was starting to hurt, I was intolerably cold, and one of my feet fell off. This morning, however, I woke up at 4AM to a great deal of coughing and spluttering and other pathetic symptoms that alerted me to the fact that I am indeed ILL.

So here I am, lying in bed like an elderly person who is also lying in bed, and thinking wistfully about my short life here on earth as I slowly await the clutches of death to take hold.... On the bright side, I have spent my morning eating LARGE sums of peanut butter toast (my favorite thing, besides coffee and crepes and cookies and about 10 other foods) and watching odd nordic folk tale movies that I found on Netflix. YEAH.

In addition, I have just taken enough painkiller to effectively sedate a killer whale, and I am forcing myself to get up out of bed to limp to my one class today like the true winner that I am. I like to compare myself to those heroic war veterans, hardened by their brutal experiences in enemy labor camps, who are still brave enough to face each morning with as much determination as an Olympian god.... I'm not entirely sure what that comparison has to do with me, but it sounds impressive, and I also am very impressive, so I think it works.

In light of this, I will persevere. I am bravely eschewing illness with a firm hand and am going to school to LEARN AND STUFF. Lying in bed is for weaklings. Pain killer is the stuff of champions.

Just a Friendly Update!

It has been about a week now since my last post, and I am sure that many of you are concerned by my absence. Indeed, there have been rumors circulating the web about my untimely demise, stories that I have been in the hospital recovering from a bear attack, and of course the occasional tale that I have finally taken the leap and dedicated myself to an entirely Amish life, free from the sinful materialism of the internet.

Swarms of concerned friends and fans have been bombarding my house these last few days, dropping off get-well-soon cards or assorted casseroles for my grieving family. I have even had a few ministers drop by, hoping to free me from my archaic Amish lifestyle -- but, unfortunately, all of these well-wishers are deceived. Although my blogging absence has undoubtedly caused many devote fans to assume the worst and enter into a period of grieving, I am writing this post to assure you all that I am not actually dead.

I am, however, Amish.

... Or wait... just kidding. What I meant to say is that I have contracted leprosy and have no hands, so typing is difficult. Also, I have a very large sum of homework.

This weekend for instance, I am supposed to be making a lamp. Yes, A LAMP. It is due tomorrow and I have many good hours of work ahead of me, and I may very well die tonight from a severe panic attack. It is so very possible. I am actually supposed to be cutting and glueing and lamping ( <-- it's a verb!) as we speak, but alas, here I am procrastinating away.... hmmmm mmmm... hmmmm.....

OK I WILL GO DO MY HOMEWORK NOW.

I deeply apologize for this very pathetic and boring blog post. I feel a lot like a performing circus alligator who has come down with an ear infection and is now putting on sub-par shows and disappointing thousands of paying customers. Not in the sense that I am an alligator or have an ear infection, but just that I am really writing about nothing right now and have probably bored many of my readers to within an inch of death.

Speaking of which, I really do feel guilty that everyone here had to read this post while probably getting nothing of value out of it, so below I have posted a link to a website I just found about the symptoms and causes of hyperthyroidism. It is my dearest hope that someone out there is reading this who unknowingly has hyperthyroidism and by clicking on this link, my post today will save their lives. That is what I hope.

http://www.endocrineweb.com/conditions/hyperthyroidism/hyperthyroidism-overactivity-thyroid-gland-0

Well, I am off to the world of lamps now... Peace be with you, friends.