Just a Friendly Update!

It has been about a week now since my last post, and I am sure that many of you are concerned by my absence. Indeed, there have been rumors circulating the web about my untimely demise, stories that I have been in the hospital recovering from a bear attack, and of course the occasional tale that I have finally taken the leap and dedicated myself to an entirely Amish life, free from the sinful materialism of the internet.

Swarms of concerned friends and fans have been bombarding my house these last few days, dropping off get-well-soon cards or assorted casseroles for my grieving family. I have even had a few ministers drop by, hoping to free me from my archaic Amish lifestyle -- but, unfortunately, all of these well-wishers are deceived. Although my blogging absence has undoubtedly caused many devote fans to assume the worst and enter into a period of grieving, I am writing this post to assure you all that I am not actually dead.

I am, however, Amish.

... Or wait... just kidding. What I meant to say is that I have contracted leprosy and have no hands, so typing is difficult. Also, I have a very large sum of homework.

This weekend for instance, I am supposed to be making a lamp. Yes, A LAMP. It is due tomorrow and I have many good hours of work ahead of me, and I may very well die tonight from a severe panic attack. It is so very possible. I am actually supposed to be cutting and glueing and lamping ( <-- it's a verb!) as we speak, but alas, here I am procrastinating away.... hmmmm mmmm... hmmmm.....

OK I WILL GO DO MY HOMEWORK NOW.

I deeply apologize for this very pathetic and boring blog post. I feel a lot like a performing circus alligator who has come down with an ear infection and is now putting on sub-par shows and disappointing thousands of paying customers. Not in the sense that I am an alligator or have an ear infection, but just that I am really writing about nothing right now and have probably bored many of my readers to within an inch of death.

Speaking of which, I really do feel guilty that everyone here had to read this post while probably getting nothing of value out of it, so below I have posted a link to a website I just found about the symptoms and causes of hyperthyroidism. It is my dearest hope that someone out there is reading this who unknowingly has hyperthyroidism and by clicking on this link, my post today will save their lives. That is what I hope.

http://www.endocrineweb.com/conditions/hyperthyroidism/hyperthyroidism-overactivity-thyroid-gland-0

Well, I am off to the world of lamps now... Peace be with you, friends.