As I was perusing through my elementary keepsakes today, I was awakened forcibly to my immense shortcomings in life as I stumbled upon this lost self-authored cookbook:
Apparently... I had aspired to be a gourmet beaver chef.
Now I had not remembered my childhood affection for beavers, but upon pulling this book out of its dark drawer, my love of all things beaver-related came rushing back. And looking down at this rather brilliant cook book written by an inspired seven year-old self, I couldn't help but realize that I am now fully grown and have failed to ever publish a beaver cookbook... how shameful.
Anyways, I have decided to try to make up for my obvious shortcomings by publishing my original beaver cook book to this site... I may not have ever made it big in the world of beaver food, but perhaps some fellow beaver lovers out there will be able to pick up a few tips...
As my handwriting is only semi-legible, and I wouldn't want anyone to miss out on these special recipes, I am retyping them below (with special comments from my present day self).
How to make beever [not "beaver"] food
1. cut up carrots and lettuce
2. Put lettuce and carrots in boiling hot water and sit for 5 minutes and that is how you make breakfist.
How to make fish and meet [not "meat"... that would be crazy].
1. get meet and fish then bake them for 13 minutes then put it on a plate and surv it.
1. put 2 vines in hot water [... where do you even get vines? This is perplexing to me]
2. Put 3 fish in the water [out of curiosity, I just googled beaver food and confirmed my suspicions that beavers do not, in fact, eat fish.... therefore minor changes to the menu may need to be made]
4. Put the soup on the stove for 3 minutes. Then put some sticks on the side of the plate then you hav made beever [ NOT BEAVER!] food..
I think this menu is an obvious witness to my culinary genius... also my innate spelling abilities.
(Note: In case I have not been clear, it was my ambition to cook tasty food for beavers... Not tasty food made of beavers... That would be sick.)
- Brianna, Friend to the Beavers.
This is brilliant. You could launch a revolutionary beever (not "beaver"?) dining regime and make millions! Tiger Woods had been dreaming and working hard at golf since he was a child. Mozart had been dreaming and working hard at composing since he was a child.
ReplyDeleteNow is your time.
You have been dreaming and working hard at being a gourmet beaver chef, and with practice you can become the best! Leave your mark on history and change the world! You can be the Einstein of beaver food making! I can see it already.
-Tim, Friend of the Friend to the Beavers