Well I am now several days into my Spokane family vacation, where I have unwittingly found myself drowning in a very fluffy ocean of dogs, dogs, and MORE DOGS. Yes, that's right- I may have thought that the three rather smelly canines I left at home (excluding the deaf one, Taffy, who has tagged along) were overwhelming, but I was sorely unprepared for my arrival in Spokane where my aunt has recently added a fourth to her eclectic collection of dogs, and my grandparents have cast off their dog-free ways with gay abandon in favor of a darling Scotti terrier by the name of Dudley. Now, as I am residing at the dog-ridden abode of my Aunt (made all the more hectic by the superfluous presence of Taffy) and making frequent visits to go see Dudley (Dursley) in all of his slobbering glory, I fear I may soon reach the point of actual INSANITY.
Don't get me wrong, I am as big of dog fan as the next individual, but even dog-lovers such as myself are prone to psychotic fits of anxiety when forced into the contact of 6 different dogs in one day. Even the most passionate of dog fanatics has her limitations, after all. And as I have not quite reached the point in my affections of accumulating strays like trading cards or clearing a space in my trophy cabinet for a collection of ceramic dog figurines, I do not think I am prepared to handle such an obscene number of dogs in just one day.
At this point in the game, I am starting to think that the odor of canine has actually perforated through my clothing and into my skin... The doctors say my only hope of recovery is a vigorous routine of tomato baths and consecutive skin peels to restore my more-or-less human aroma. In addition, all of my clothing must be burned... a tragic misfortune as I am not insured for dog-related detoxification losses. If worse comes to worse, and the horrific odor cannot be contained, I fear that I (like many unfortunate dog-lovers before me) may be stopped on my return trip by the Seattle border control and quarantined in an underground cell until the infectious odor has subsided. Truth be told, I have heard nasty roomers about the cells reserved for dog victims, but I suppose a year or two in solitary confinement might do me well... an excellent opportunity to drive the dog-induced madness from my veins.
On that happy note, I will end my discussion of dogs here.... I sincerely desire that whoever is reading this cannot at all relate to my pain.
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